Note: Poem initially formatted as a triptych, available here.
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hurting small animals
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You were always
pathetically happy
if I showed any interest
or affection, like
the minimum I owed you
was nothing.
Do you remember drowning
under sodium lights
in an oversized hoodie? Your sleeves
were snot-stained in little
salt-rings and
your posture said hug-me-
leave-me-don't-come-near-me and
I wish sometimes that I'd listened
to the articulation of your spine and not cashed in on
that mass of good will
that I squandered and traded
in months to come.
Comforting you comforted me
scared me.
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driving
===============================================
You
told me that you missed driving,
that
you drove to relieve stress,
that you knew more about cars,
that you knew more about cars,
that
you sometimes wondered
about
letting go of the wheel on the highway.
You
hated when I drove at night.
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hospitalizing
small animals
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We
drove there because
you
couldn't pay for an ambulance
and
couldn't feel your fingers
to
find an insurance card
and
couldn't tell red from blue
from
food from fork from
pity
from love.
I blew
through stopsigns
on the
way there.
===============================================
in
earnest
===============================================
"Fuck
you."
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the
sound of fragile trust
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I'd
brought bad beer for to make amends
but
tore open the box's little cardboard belly
and
little cans went dancing across the floor;
you
always wanted to dance; I placed a foot
on one
of the beers, feeling for a fall...
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dead
leaves
===============================================
You
fell getting out of bed,
a
twitchy nervous mess,
and it
was cold and you trembled.
I got
up before you did.
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hole
===============================================
"One
of the best things to happen to me at this hell hole.
Thank
you for wanting to stick around.
You'll never know how much it really means."
You'll never know how much it really means."
===============================================
again
===============================================
"Fuck
you, Ashton."
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